Blatter escapes disguised as the Von Trapps
Taking inspiration from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, the outgoing FIFA president has fled over the Swiss mountains dressed as a Bavarian singing troupe. Resplendent in pigtails and lederhosen, Mr Blatter has escaped an oppressive fascist regime in search of eight-part harmonies and no extradition treaty.
Despite a quick rendition of ‘I Have Confidence’ to the world’s press, in transpires that very few people have confidence in him. With choreography by Marc Breaux, Dee Dee Wood and a team of tax accountants, Mr. Blatter has so far tap danced around any criminal wrong doings. Although rumours persist that the FBI is on the verge of pursuing him, dressed as the Jackson 5.
The original cinematic release of the Sound of Music, adjusted for inflation, earned $2.366 billion; ironically just enough to cover Qatar’s bribes. Also the similarities with Maria Von Trapp are startling; Blatter has the innocence of a novice nun, the timeless good looks of Julie Andrews and insists on dressing young girls in tight fitting shorts ‘made from old drapes’.
Promising to climb every mountain in search of immunity from prosecution, Mr. Blatter offered a very abridged version of ‘So Long, Farewell’. A spokesman insisted that: ‘he was older and wiser, telling us what to do. He is 79 going on 80 and he’ll take care of you’. Elaborating on this, the spokesman mentioned a few of Mr. Blatter’s favourite things, some of which included: ‘Big silver trophies with ribbons and sashes; Brown paper packages where all the cash is; Businesses paying out bribes with no strings’.
‘Those were just a few of his favourite things’, he clarified.